I just can't handle as much any more.
I have one of those personality types that makes it fairly easy for me to consider things from multiple perspectives. I’m naturally trusting of others and typically take things at face value. When others are in conflict with each other, I can put myself in both sets of shoes and understand the conflict from each point of view. Usually, it’s pretty easy to see how most situations lend themselves to statements like, “Well, it takes two to tango.”
But when it comes to making sense of the news these days, I can’t seem to get there. I always encounter two significant challenges. First, the news is about events that are too far removed from my personal experience and observation. I have no idea if the “shoes” involved are attached to any feet! The second problem is that much more often than not, the prevailing descriptions of events and their significance are so diametrically opposed that they make it impossible to find any viable middle ground that makes any sense. There’s no tango. It’s one individual dancing on one side of the room and another one doing an entirely different dance on the opposite side of the room.
Oftentimes, there are almost no “facts” in common between the two poles, which is disconcerting enough, but even when the circumstances are agreed upon, the interpretation of their significance is completely oppositional.
Everything is being forced into a binary. The only option is either/or; there’s no way to even conceive of a both/and or shades of gray. And there’s inexorable gravity at the extremes pulling on us so hard that over time we almost invariably end up further from the middle in the direction we initially leaned. And like gravity itself, the closer you get to the source, the stronger the force becomes.
Almost unnoticeably, we are sucked into combativeness.
Let me pull back for one moment. Especially at this time, with the realities of the pandemic sinking in, we are all either consciously or unconsciously seeking ways to deal with uncertainty and anxiety, even fear. Watching the news, reading the statistics, listening to the experts as well as the politicians and pundits, helps the rational side of our brains think we have more control over the situation. It can quell some of the anxieties. And indeed, gaining perspective is helpful if not necessary for us to make good decisions about how we live in the midst of the crisis.
However, because of the way that the news gets delivered so divisively, it doesn’t take long until we go beyond useful perspective and get sucked into the combativeness of it, with mistrust, frustration, blame, anger, even hatred, boiling up inside us against “those jerks” on the other side.
I’ve realized that I just can’t handle as much any more. I need to moderate my consumption of news (both the amount and the timing) because when combativeness forms in me, it seeks a way out, and usually when it does, it’s not reflecting the best of who I am.
The best of who I am is reflected when I’m seeking to be FOR the things I value, and especially when I’m FOR the human beings around me. It is not when I’m railing on an amplified and caricatured version of what I think I’m against, which then invariably causes me to subtly or overtly dehumanize the people around me, whether or not they somehow represent that caricature. I easily end up pushing away the ones I love, simply because they’re in proximity to me.
Somewhat paradoxically, the pandemic offers us an opportunity to reset. Most of us are social distancing by ourselves or with a very few people, and relying on virtual means of maintaining broader connections. It’s a perfect laboratory for us to work on being more attentive to each other, more kind to each other. But to do that requires us to be more attentive and kind to ourselves as well.
Pay attention to how things like too much news can eat away at your soul. Equally, notice how too much numbing (having endless romcom marathons by yourself, obsessive video gaming, consuming more alcohol or comfort food than is helpful, etc.) can diminish your ability to be attentive to others.
Stay intentional with extra conversation, having fun together, enjoying a good meal together (as opposed to just grabbing food individually), even reading in the same room together. (Most activities like this can actually be done in virtual community as well.) Be creative.
If we can use this time to better love and care for each other while quarantined, then maybe, just maybe, we’ll be able to carry that forward into our way of being with others post-quarantine. And maybe, just maybe, the ground-level change will be enough to soften our culture as a whole, including even our politics and media.
I’m holding on to hope.